Reclaiming the holiday spirit

When I was about seven, my grandfather died. It was mid-July. For the twelve years that followed before my grandmother passed too, our Christmas holiday was a somber one. We kids tried to enjoy the festivities, but Nana's grief over missing Grandpa always hung like a rain cloud in the atmosphere.

After Nana died in 1990, just before Christmas, my father continued this tradition of moping at Christmas time. Reminiscing each Christmas about how he misses them, how they would have loved to see their grandkids growing up and what things about the holiday were their favorites.

Seven years ago, my father also passed away and also in December, as if in his death he carried on this mourning. The Christmases that followed were tough on all of us, feeling that sadness as well as the emptiness of our small family grown even smaller.

Earlier this year, my brother passed away, at the untimely age of 39. He at least had the decency to cross after the holidays, but sadly enough for his wife, did it a week before Valentine's. This December has the makings of another sad holiday, especially because my brother's 40th birthday would have been on the 21st.

But this year, as my childhood family is down to a bare minimum of two people left living, I declared to my mother that I can no longer allow the black cloud of sorrow to hang in the air anymore. Yes, I do miss my family very much. But I've had it with dead people ruining the holiday for those of us living. I know it sounds crass in writing, but it is intended in good spirit, as my family would know. Those of us left behind should not let our sadness ruin the current potential for happiness. And I'm sure those who've crossed over would want us to continue to celebrate and be happy in this life.

I do it for me. And I do it for my kids, who don't need to be taught that Christmas is a sad time. Missing their uncle is something they've learned to live with. They have a right to plenty of happiness.

Here's to a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!